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Feeling helpless? Here’s what you can do about it.

by | Jan 3, 2019 | Health

I feel so helpless. Like I’ve lost control of my experience with life. I’ve tried everything by now, and I just KNOW there is nothing I can do to make this situation any better.

I feel very alone. Like there’s no one there to support me, and I just don’t have it in me to go it alone.

That’s it … I’ve tried everything I can to change this, but it’s just not in the cards. So I’m just giving up once and for all.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. There’s a lot in this world that can make you feel helpless, and sometimes you’re so exhausted that giving up is the only option you can even imagine.

Maybe you desperately want to slow down and enjoy your life before it passes you by, but you got bills to pay and feel like you gotta keep up the hustle.

Maybe you want to have a baby, but can’t get pregnant.

Maybe you’ve interview for a crazy amount of jobs, but aren’t getting any offers.

So you feel helpless. What else can you do, after-all?

Let’s get to getting …

So, your first step is to recognize where you’re at. You’re feeling helpless. You need a little extra love. Now, have some compassion for yourself.  

Then, choose a course of action that is best for your own healing.

So … there’s two ways to go.

Way #1

Lean into this helplessness. Sometimes we throw our hands up and say, “Well, if this is the way life is going to be, then hell … I’m giving in.”

It’s easy to recognize when you’re walking this talk, because there’s usually some commonalities in the “helpless” habits we use to cope. There’s …

  • Total collapse: You give up. Stop all efforts towards your tough-to-hit goal, or to overcome whatever challenge pops up on your way to what you want. Crawl back into bed. Covers over head. “The Smiths” Spotify channel lulling you in and out of nap time. Life’s over.
  • Self-pity time: Whoa is you. Your life is the worst. You guess you’ll just have to settle for whatever comes your way. May or may not include “The Smiths” Spotify channel lulling you in and out of nap time.
  • Playing victim: Why does this kind of stuff always happen to “YOU.” Let’s see what awful new kick-in-the-ass life has in store for you next. All you can do is stand still and brace yourself.
  • Being aloof: Pffffft! Whatever dude. You don’t need to be happy. You’ll show life! You won’t give a damn about nothin’!
  • Blaming everyone and thing else: You know what, “If my mother was more supportive … “ If my boss wasn’t such an asswipe …” “This is totally my boyfriend’s fault … if he hadn’t ….”

Overall, these strategies just dig you deeper into helplessness and make you feel anxious and depressed.

So … let’s look at a better way.

Way #2

Release your inner victim. I know all the strategies above are seductive. It’s so easy to give over your power and responsibility for your own happiness after all. It literally takes no effort.

But tell me, do you really think any of these reactions are a part of living your life the way your God/the universe/your own soul intended?  If you’ve tried them, did they bring you any joy? Inspired you to action?

If the answer is no, maybe you’re ready to try something new. Signup for life coach in NYC to release these old, played out ways of coping and really take control back?

Now, It’s not as easy as just “letting go,” so instead we’re going to do an embodied practice together.

And I’ll walk you through it.

  1. Pick your favorite “helpless habit” from  the list above
  2. Write in detail how it feels and looks to embody this strategy, as if you were teaching someone else how to do it. What are you thinking? What are you saying? What story are you playing in your head? What position is your body in? What facial expressions are you making?
  3. Now, act out—and exaggerate—this embodiment, taking on its persona completely. Walk around in your room embodying this character consciously, shaping your body and behavior in that way you know so well. Have fun with it!
  4. Let this acting out evolve into a dance, playing music and moving around the room as the cartoon version of your helpless habit.
  5. After 10 minutes, stop. Close your eyes and bring your awareness to the sensations in your body.
  6. Notice how it feels in the body to be in this energy.
  7. Now that you have liberated the energy, take 5 deep breaths. Exhale loudly and dramatically.
  8. Shake the body a little, really allowing yourself to purge.
  9. Then, complete the practice by breathing naturally, with one hand over your heart, just noticing how it feels to have released this energy of helplessness.
  10. Finally, repeat after me: “I am 100% responsible for my relationship to my experience.”

Now, with this renewed attitude and energy, whenever you’re ready, ask yourself what you can do tomorrow that gets you back on track to where you want to be–even if it’s small.

This is your aligned action. Take that action and allow yourself to feel empowered by it. Even though it may be winding road, if you commit to staying on it, you will lose that feeling of helplessness and progress toward your true north.